for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
