Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
