if you like me you must not know who I am
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
