Well douche your snatch and let's go!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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