i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
