all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
