I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
