Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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