dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
