I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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