Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
