Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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