beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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