This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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