good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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