Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
