And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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