I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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