we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm having to shit out rocks
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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