he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
