I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
