"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
