So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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