I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize