You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
