Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
