I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
