this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
