plz talk dirty to me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
