def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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