so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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