im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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