I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
