2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
