Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
