Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
