I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
