dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
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