I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
