I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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