it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
