I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize