I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
