how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
