Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Boobs speak an international language.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
you made out with another girl for some wings
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