"it" just moved
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
