At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
