she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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