thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize