butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
