guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
