you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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