haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
