Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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