I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
