I cockslap morals
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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