What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
