I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
