I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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