I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
