I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
