First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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