Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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