I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We need a shit load of segways right now
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
