And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
