drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
