1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
