Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize