I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
