Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I heard we made out
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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