Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
