dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
